Filed under: Thoughts
Something happened today which made me think and re-think of things and people that are going on around me.
I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t know who’s real and who’s not and it really frustrates me. One setback and I feel like a dyslexic kid who cannot read people’s signs, signals and body language. Not to mention the hidden meanings behind words and thoughts left unsaid.
And the only way for me to confirm my suspicions and doubt is to talk to other people about it. And it ends up sounding like… gossip. And sometimes listening to myself while I’m spitting out words makes me wonder what people think of me? Is there such thing as healthy gossip? I hold on to the principle that whatever I say behind people’s back, I will eventually say it to their face. That’s a fine and dandy principle… until you find out that other people don’t really hang on to that principle.
But that’s a sad way to live isn’t it? Eyes darting with paranoia, cold sweat, short breaths. Ok a tad exagerrated 
. Anyway my point is there will always be judgment and opinions from other people on yourself and I guess everyone needs to live with it. I think this is the part where admissions of my… *dreads this word* insecurities comes in.
What are insecurities anyway? Is it the opposite of arrogance? Isn’t self-confidence almost always misinterpreted as a false sense of self-importance? Who has this perfect blend of humility and self-belief? Where do we derive this self-importance from anyway? From our job? From our gifts and talents? From a higher power? From our parents? Family? From friends? From our ’subordinates’? From an adherence to rules? Or the opposite?
Material possession? A ’cause’? Spiritual awareness? Psychological understanding? Our education? The amount of hits on our blog? The amount of friends on our Facebook? The suburb/country we stay in? Places we have been/want to go?
Hmm… I’m reminded again… I think our security should always come from principles we build our lives on. Whatever that might look like. But what about the criminal who has strong principles on murdering everyone who doesn’t deserve to live? In his/her heart, that’s a pretty strong principle and he/she derives identity (and ultimately security) from doing the clearly wrong ‘right’ thing…
I’m reminded again. We can never control how others treat us but we can always control how we treat others…
Now time to live…
And let live…
God bless!
